Thank you for your interest in why I dedicate myself to this work.
My life journey has been challenging, particularly as it relates to mind, sex, and spirit, and the integration, or lack thereof, of the three. A combination of factors has led me through a series of experiences that introduced me to the potential that exists in exploring eros to integrate the three. As I journey through this integration, I am finding my way to a new form of living, a new path in life, and a new series of experiences that help me to help others-like you-along the way.
How my journey began
I was born the first of two children, to a mother and father who are still together after more than 46 years, in a small town along the Texas US/Mexico border. Surrounded by family and lots of love, I was raised under the same expectations typically projected on the first-born son to a Mexican-American family. Despite the love of surrounding family, I faced unacceptable demands–to be straight, strong, steadfast, and unyielding.
Needless to say, that was not me. I suffocated for more than 18 years; quiet, cautious, and afraid. I knew early on I had attraction to men. I was raised a Roman Catholic, and much of the messaging I was receiving was negative regarding same-sex relations, if it was available at all.
Signs of potential as a spiritual guide emerge
Spiritually, I sought very hard to reconcile my attractions and feelings with the teachings of the Roman Catholic church. It was difficult, if not impossible – I grew to hate a part of myself, and even considered ending my life many times as a teenager, because I was unable to reconcile the two. I did not want to disappoint my family and friends, and go against what I was being taught was right and wrong, but I also knew I was struggling fiercely with the manifestation of my sexual orientation.
Along with this, I would grow angry when priests in my parish would continually press my parents to encourage me to enter the priesthood. It was almost like I was being called to become part of the one institution that was thoroughly rejecting me and had destroyed any hope I had of finding happiness.
Escaping and avoiding myself in years of misery
I read about, and decided to pursue, asexuality when I went away to college. That was a dismal failure. I hid in the shadow, yearning for connection with men, and would toy with meeting them through online dating and such. College tends to be a time of sexual as well as spiritual experimentation for many, and it was an awful struggle to be around others who were fully embracing their curiosities with both, while I cowered and suffered to stay shackled to what I was taught to believe. This was also at a time of the onslaught of the HIV and AIDS crisis, so the message that same sex acts led to God’s punishment were manifesting around me. This further traumatized me and pushed me further into darkness and despair.
Despite my best efforts to deny myself my sexuality, I finally had my first sexual experience with a male at 23. Awkward as it was, it led me to dive into sexual exploration, regardless of the consequences. I chose to begin labeling myself as a gay man. By that time, I had left my spiritual orientation of Catholicism in practical terms, although I still labeled myself as Catholic. This led me to dive into many years of unsatisfying sexual encounters, loneliness, and misery. It was during this time that I became an alcoholic and found myself numbing my pain through many kinds of unhealthy behaviors.
I am introduced to embodiment; things begin to change
In my late thirties, after many years of unsatisfying connection and getting lost in my work and career as a form of addiction, I began to see a massage therapist. Some contact with them was erotic, some was not, but they suggested I consider the Body Electric School.
It was my first exploration into embodiment, eros, sex and spirit, and conscious sexual exploration. It opened my mind, my heart, and my soul, and broke open a path to potential healing. I since have taken many workshops of the same lineage, and have come to recognize the power that exists in integrating the mind, body and spirit.
Part of my life’s path: Healing myself, helping others
Part of the reason I do this work is to offer one-on-one coaching, embodiment workshops, programs, and learning for others, so they may find their way to heal from similar wounds. There is incredible power in touch, breath, movement, and meditation. I already hold space for many of these kinds of explorations, but I want to offer, and do, more.
I now do not identify as Roman Catholic, but rather as a spiritual person, and I recognize that I am one with the Universe and thus can celebrate all that is without the intervention of organized religion. I label myself an energetic sexual being, and among my current inquiries are embracing connection with those other than men (including women), connecting sex and spirit to the mind, and recognizing that all that we need is already within us.
I am honored that you are considering joining me in this part of my journey, and I am eager for what you will learn through this work.
~ Andres, Sacred Intimate