(ADULT) It’s pretty much happened to every gay guy who’s ever tried to bottom.

That moment in time when you realize… eek!… maybe you weren’t quite prepared for that deep-diving, talented top.

Truth is, no one wants to talk about it, but it’s something we all want every hot bottom to know. And even if you think you’re a contender for the Martha Stewart award for serving up booty, there’s always room for improvement. So let’s dive in, shall we? (Pun most definitely intended).

But no one told me about butt-iquete!

Unless you were lucky and had a fairy gay-daddy teach you a thing or two about how to flush out your love canal, chances are you had to learn the hard way about douching before bottoming. Lots of gay guys, it seems, kinda just start doing the booty-bounce without knowing about cleanliness until someone – probably shamefully – brought it to their attention.

Like the last thing we need is more shame for our pleasure choices.

So the most important thing I ask of dutiful tops is this – show compassion to your fellow budding bottoms. Be ready for the occasional workplace hazards. And, if that juicy butt boy fails the test, go easy on him. He may not have gotten the memo. And you stepping up to get him past the unfortunate poop-hump will pretty much assure he’ll remember you fondly miles down the road when he’s inspiring the world with his talented derriére.

First up: Nutrition, fiber-fests, and routine maintenance

“You are what you eat” may not be quite accurate, but when it comes to your diet choices, what you put in affects what you put out. Generally, if you want to struggle less with preparing for welcoming that hot top into your sugar walls, sugar is not the way to go. Focus on natural foods – vegetables and foods with high fibers. Generally avoid most processed foods, significant amounts of meats, dairy, sugary foods, and refined flour.

Boys wanting to host in their backyards also must become friends with fiber – fiber helps to keep your digestive system clean and clear. No need to go overboard, but a fiber supplement can be helpful, and high fiber offers other benefits as well.

And be loving and tender with your derriére in-between guests. Keep the back porch clean, and consider using moistened wipes instead of dry toilet paper. Keeping your butt free of irritation makes it easier when it’s time to enjoy backdoor play.

Ramp up your game: Flushing out, feeling free

As the day arrives and you prepare to enjoy that tush-attention, do some flushing until water is clear. How much you flush depends on whether you’ll be hosting a basic tush party or a grande deep play affair. If you’re expecting a basic bumper booty ride, then a simple flush of the lower regions is fine. If the play will be extensive, and fists, long toys, or an especially size-gifted boy is involved, go for the deep flush.

“Blindjaw” has created an especially wonderful resource, and he offers it on his website. How to clean your ass before anal sex is a quirky, fun, illustrated guide that holds back nothing and gives you everything you need to know to become skilled in preparing for backdoor play.

Find your ass-confidence, know your choices

Finally, and for me one of the most important things, is to be confident when you open the gates and let your guest(s) in. If you’re in the midst of the booty-lambada and your mind is shrieking in fear about what may happen – well guess what – your top will know it.

So instead of being tense, and worrying about accidents, instead take some deep breaths, focus on his talents, and let go of the fears. Dive in – with him – into the pleasure.

If you’re in the midst of the motions of drilling for oil, and unfortunately he hits black gold, how he responds will say a lot. No rig operator worth keeping around will respond in a way that makes you feel unworthy of pleasure simply because of the occasional mishap. If he shames you or acts out, put him out, and find someone who’s willing to work with you in the real world.

Of course if you find it happens more than sporadically, then maybe it’s time to figure out what needs to be tweaked to tighten up your game.

And always, always, always remember this – bottoming for anyone is always your choice, and that can change at any time. So if you’re unsure you can give your top the ride he deserves, it’s ok to ask for a reschedule or offer other ways to play.

If he can’t respect you respecting your body and your choices, he’s not worth your time.

This article was originally written for publishing on Himeros.TV, a project of Davey Wavey, Digital Storyteller.

Photo by Owen Kemp on Unsplash.